I’ve had my series of problems this year, I’ve discovered so much about myself. My great strengths, my weaknesses, my best sides, and most monstrous ones.
If I could tell you what happiness is like, I’d probably go on forever. Words never fulfill what that word really means. I’ve grown so much to see that happiness is found is the simplest forms. My happiness is from all the ways I can say, “I can.”
I can be a tattoo artist, I can be an amazing friend, I can be a great sister, daughter, cousin, niece, granddaughter. I can be a fierce, loyal and passionate lover. I can live all of my dreams. When everything I can happens, then it becomes what “I am” and I am all of these things.
On the flip side I also discovered what hell is for me. Hell is not a place of many, hell is empty. Hell is staring at yourself in the mirror and seeing nothing. Hell is the lonely road where nothing has fulfillment. My real trip in hell was being so alone, in my heart, in my passions, in my head, and in life. Nothing compares to the kind of suffering you go through when you hurt yourself. This is where you find what we know as “selfish.” People in my kinda hell are selfish, not one life ever goes unnoticed. Someone always loves you, someone always cares and I was once so selfish.
My mother once told me that people can walk away from you, but you can never walk away from yourself. You live and die the same person that you are. Life is short and it comes only once, from what I know. I’ve hit a very large wake up call in my life these past few days and you really want to know what makes me a beautiful person right now.
It’s because I can say that “I am” enough. I’m my mothers daughter and she’s the strongest woman I know. Believing in yourself is key, key to everything that this horrid world throws at you. Just because the world is horrid doesn’t mean you have to be.
To all the people who ever doubt themselves, go through pain, or loneliness, happiness is found only in one place and that’s in you.
I’m starting over, and I’m starting now.
I’m not a fool, I’ve been one.